Tag Archives: liz lemon

How Tina Fey disappointed me, or What I’m Reading vol. 4 – Bossypants

Those of you who know me are shocked by the fact that this book disappointed me. Or are you? Let’s face it. I have spent the last six months anticipating this book. I built it up to be a revelation, a new Bible for me. Obviously it wouldn’t live up to the hype I created in my own mind-grapes.

I like to imagine that if Tina Fey met me, we would be besties immediately.  Tina would say, “When I look at you, it’s like looking in a mirror!  A funhouse mirror that makes me a foot taller and fifty pounds heavier. ”  She would invite me over to hang out with her and Amy Poehler, and we would be eating cake and ice cream and laughing, and then Will Arnett would join us and tell outrageous stories.

Of course, I know this will never happen.  I just had the idea that Tina’s book would be the equivalent of my dream.  I thought she’d share her innermost thoughts, and awkward and/or painful memories from an awkward and/or painful youth.

Instead, this was a memoir written by a very private person.  This was even more guarded than Clay Aiken’s memoir (and his memoir was written before he came out of the closet!).  Now, I understand how difficult it is to write a memoir, because I am trying to write one.  I got stuck because I didn’t even want to think about approaching the painful things I would have to write about.  Writing about the bad things that happened to you is like removing a band aid verrrry, verrrry, verrrry slowly.

So, yes, it makes sense to me that Tina didn’t want to go in depth about how she got her facial scar.  I understand that she doesn’t want to have to repeat the story over and over again.  However, Tina basically glossed over anything that was painful or meaningful or deep.  She didn’t talk about how she met her husband, or her adventures with Amy Poehler, or stories about touring with Second City, or dirt on her time at SNL.

Instead, you get a general overview of her life.  Yes, it is hilarious.  Yes, I enjoyed reading it.  Yes, I would recommend it to anyone who is a fan of Tina’s work.

I guess I’m just disappointed because I thought that by reading the book I would have insight into what Tina is really like as a person, and I don’t.  The most honest chapter in the book is the one about whether or not she should have a second child.  (Obviously this dilemma has been resolved, because she’s pregnant again!  Congratulations, Tina!)

I think this disappointment speaks more to my mental illness and need for validation than anything else.  I thought that I would read this book and say to myself, yes,  I really am just like Tina Fey!

Turns out I am more like Liz Lemon, and Liz Lemon is not really like Tina Fey at all.

Songs I awkwardly slow-danced to in the 80’s

It's a Dorothy Hamill haircut, right?

I had an extremely awkward phase from approximately the age of 9 through…*checks watch*…yeah, it’s still happening. If you watch 30 Rock, then you can pretty much imagine me at 9 years old to be exactly like Liz Lemon in this clip that won’t embed. We even had the same haircut (a Pete Rose, but everyone thought it was a Dorothy Hamill.) Another thing I have in common with Liz Lemon – I was a D&D Dungeon Master.

I looked like this until I was 16.

Knowing this about me, you may wonder how anyone actually asked me to slow dance. My very first boyfriend (he wasn’t my boyfriend) was a guy who asked me to dance at a party so that his girlfriend would be jealous, because they were arguing. I thought he was my boyfriend for a week because he called me on the phone once. Then, years later, my actual REAL first boyfriend would leave me for a guy.

Oh, and my Senior Prom date?  Yeah, he came out of the closet two years later. (I was a total fruit fly.)

Since everyone I know loves listicles, I will now list out the songs that I awkwardly slow-danced to with boys who were either dating other girls, or dreaming about other boys:

1. Heaven – Bryan Adams (with D., the boy trying to make his girlfriend S. jealous. It totally worked…)

2. Waiting for a Girl Like You – Foreigner (with my church crush, S. I think I asked him to dance. We ended up having SUPREMELY AWKWARD makeout session at a high school reunion party 6 years later. Everyone knew we had messed around because I had my Cure tee shirt on inside out.)

3. Saving All My Love for You – Whitney Houston (with a boy who had a crush on ME…he was kind of a dweeb so I didn’t like him back. I’m sure he’s a multi-millionaire living in Bel Air now.)

4. Superheroes – Rocky Horror Picture Show soundtrack – (with my first boyfriend, R. He was Riff Raff and I was Magenta in some poorly done stage show. He left me for Frank N Furter. Can you blame him?)

5. Mad About You – Belinda Carlisle (with the aforementioned Prom date who turned out to be gay. I made out with him drunkenly in a hotel room at a party after the dance. I should have realized it then.)

I have retired from slow-dancing. I think it will make the world a better place.

SXSW as an Austinite

Before I talk about SXSW, I want to address the fabulousness that was 30 Rock last night.  As a person who has an extreme love/hate relationship with jezebel.com, this episode really hit all my buttons.  I also have a secret dislike for Sarah Silverman and I have a feeling they were making fun of her too?  Though I also heard people saying it was Olivia Munn.   Either way – well played, Lemon, well played.

Someone named Sady Doyle pretty much summed up my thoughts on her tumblr so I am posting a link here. Too bad I saw that before I wrote my blog post, you guys are totally missing out. (Not really)

Now, to the topic at hand. I have been to SXSW twice before, in 2007 and 2008, but I didn’t live in Austin at that time. I also had a lot more spending money back then,  so I purchased a badge and stayed at the Driskill, and pretended I was a fancy pants journo when really I was just blogging for my (former) friend’s website. Having a badge makes you feel special because you get to go to all the parties, and hobnob with real journos, and pretend you actually accomplished your goal in life of being a music journalist when actually you are just a boring-ass admin.


The thing is, people who live in Austin don’t seem too excited about SXSW. Most everyone I know who lives here has never been. When I try to get tips for parking, or how to get into the free shows or where the best local events are, they say they have no idea. They pretty much avoid the entire downtown area for the month of March. I think this is pretty sad, but I haven’t been there as a local yet.  There might be a reason I haven’t discovered.

Even though I have no badge, and no wristband, I am going to at least go downtown when I can and soak in the atmosphere. Even if I can’t get into the “cool” panels, or movies, or concerts, I can people-watch, and have good food, and hang out at the hotel lobbies to get away from the crowds.  There are bands playing everywhere, so maybe I will find a new band that I will actually enjoy. There is absolutely no point in trying to get into the shows at Stubb’s without a badge, so never mind that. Not that I really want to see The Strokes or Duran Duran. (I have seen Duran Duran plenty enough times in my life, and I know for a fact that by 12:30pm the port-a-potties at Stubb’s will be nauseating.)

When I tried to look at the bands listed to play this year, I have to admit I wasn’t too excited. I am not much on 90s nostalgia, because to me the 90s were what took away the 80s. The 80s was the BEST DECADE EVER and I was lucky to have lived through it and enjoyed it. Then the 90s came, and I became a grownup with no money, and all the bands stopped being colorful and fun and exciting and instead were drab and colorless and sang about going hungry. It was a sad, sad time in my life.

Luckily, the 2000s came along. There was so much great music made in 2005, I am not even kidding. I really think that the mid 2000s rival the 80s for sheer volume of extremely amazing music. But I digress…

I am realizing that another reason locals don’t really care about SXSW could be because the bands that play there usually come back around and play a real show. For example – Fitz and the Tantrums are playing Waterloo Records free show on 3/16. I was totally going to ask if I could leave work early to go to that show. Then the band announced a full-length show at La Zona Rosa on 4/19! Obviously, I’d much rather see a full show than a truncated festival set. Now I don’t have to worry about seeing them at SXSW.

Since I am becoming an old fogey, I don’t know 90% of the bands that are playing the festival anyway. It seems easier to just catch the bands I really like when they play here for a real show. That being said, I will still mingle with the crowds downtown, just because it will be fun. I have seen a lot of weird stuff on 6th Street during SXSW.

Here’s to keeping Austin weird!