Tag Archives: brits

Rocky Horror Dreamcast

Thank you to @thetorontokid (twitter.com/thetorontokid) for this hilarious mockup of a Rocky Horror recast!

The other day, I was entertaining myself by wasting time on Twitter, as usual, when I came up with a (brilliant?) idea. Halloween is fast approaching, and I was wishing for a Rocky Horror tribute or recast, starring my favorite actors.

Just think about these guys strutting around in their scanties:

Benedict Cumberbatch as Frank N Furter – with that voice, those legs, and that ass, there is no doubt in my mind who would be perfect for the sweet transvestite.  And we know he’s willing to dress in drag:

Tom Hiddleston as Brad Majors – Some people wanted Tom to play Frank, but I think he’s perfect as Brad.  He’s so smiley and somewhat dorky, it would be great.  Also, just think about him in those tighty whities…and then in the fishnets at the end.  I think he would look super cute in glasses…you know I’m right.

Martin Freeman as Riff Raff – Look, we all know that Martin is a pent-up ball of rage and frustration at all times of the day and night.  He could portray the seething butler, Riff Raff, to perfection.  I also would love nothing more than to see him give the angry speech at the end…”YOU DIDN’T LIKE ME! YOU NEVER LIKED ME!”

Chris Hemsworth  as Rocky Horror – I really can’t think of anyone with a better physique than Chris Hemsworth.  He’s right out of a Charles Atlas ad, am I right?  I bet he could ride a feather boa like nobody’s business.  He wouldn’t have any lines, though….not that I would care…

I haven’t cast everyone, because I’d like to hear your suggestions.  Who would you cast in this version of Rocky Horror?  And would you donate to a kickstarter to get this made?  (just kidding…I think)


The five stages of Morrissey fandom

I have spent the last few days listening to quite a lot of Morrissey and The Smiths. Seeing as how this week marks the 25th anniversary of the release of one of the greatest albums of all time, The Queen is Dead, I felt I should write about my love for Morrissey.

I have been a Morrissey fan ever since I met my first boyfriend. I would go over to his house and we’d sit in his bedroom and listen to the first Smiths album, and sometimes we’d cry together. (Yes, he turned out to be gay and left me for a boy.) He educated me about a lot of amazing music, but I really fell in love with Morrissey and The Smiths.

Morrissey spent a lot of time alone reading books, just like I did. We both thought Oscar Wilde was a genius, and we both thought we were unloveable. I wear black on the outside, because black is how I feel on the inside. If I had ever thought of getting a tattoo at age 17, I am pretty sure it would have said that. (I am glad I never got this tattoo though)  Things change as you get older…that being said, here is my interpretation of the Five Stages of Morrissey fandom.

1.  Romanticism

Keats and Yeats are on your side…

When you first encounter Morrissey, you’re a teenager (if you’re lucky).  Teenagers feel things so much more deeply than anyone else in the world.  I would hear Morrissey’s songs and they would speak to me in such powerful ways.  I was an outsider and a loner, and so was he.  It was terribly romantic to picture him as a Byronic figure, standing on the windswept moors, with a tear running down his cheek.  Only he understood the pain of living.  Only he could rescue me from that pain.

2. Wit

Morrissey is known for making good sound bites.  He has often gotten himself into trouble for saying things that have been misconstrued.  Back in the 80’s, he gave a good quip.  I remember that he said things like “Long hair is an unpardonable offense which should be punishable by death.” (Later, I discovered this photo of him as a lad with very long hair…haha!) He also loved to put down other pop stars of the time.  He accused Robert Smith of The Cure of being a “whingebag”.  Robert Smith replied by saying that, “If Morrissey says not to eat meat, then I’ll eat meat; that’s how much I hate Morrissey.”  (Not that Robert Smith is an angel – I  remember that he said he wanted to see George Michael hung by the neck – I can’t find the exact quote but you get the idea.)

But you lose, because Wilde is on mine….sugar…

During this phase, the young Morrissey fan will educate him or herself by reading loads and loads of Oscar Wilde, Byron, Shelley, Keats, etc. etc.  Every word that passes the lips of a Morrissey fan in this stage is either a quote, an epigram, or a witticism of their own invention.  This becomes very tedious for their friends, if they should happen to have any.

This phase ends when the fan reads A Taste of Honey by Shelagh Delaney, and ends up highlighting every line that ended up in a Morrissey song.  Finding out that Morrissey has plagiarized and taken on loan creates an overwhelming sense of disillusionment, which is immediately internalized and forgotten so that you can continue to listen to Morrissey and not feel like the world is crashing around you.

3.  Vegetarianism

Steven, you don’t eat meat…

I personally have never gone through this phase, because when it comes to food I am unable to deny myself.  Well, I do eat a lot less meat than I used to, but that’s just out of necessity due to not having any money.  Also, there are all sorts of nasty diseases caused by toxic meat, and also I happened to read Fast Food Nation, which is The Jungle of the 21st Century.  If you don’t know what The Jungle is,  click here.

However, the young Morrissey fan who first hears Meat is Murder may become inclined to eschew meat, leather, dairy, eggs, and all of those things that are made from animals.  The Morrissey acolyte will also make sure to let everyone within hearing know that they are eating the decayed flesh of an animal that once had a face, or some such similar lecture.  This phase will either continue until the person becomes a vegan, or it will end once their family cooks up a barbecue.

I did see Morrissey at Coachella in 2009, and he could smell the barbecued meat coming from a nearby food vendor.  He left the stage for a moment, declaring, “I smell burning flesh…I hope to God it’s human.”

4.  Death Wish

It’s inevitable.  If you are listening to Morrissey, eventually your thoughts will dwell upon your eternal slumber.  For someone that has written so many songs about suicide, Morrissey sure does persist in staying alive.  Still, there is nothing like listening to endless litanies about how things would be so much better if you were dead.  I used to listen to Asleep before I went to sleep, which is a song about killing yourself and/or dying in your sleep.  NITEY NITE!  SWEET DREAMS!  Yes, I had issues.  (Still do)  It’s terribly romantic to think of your funeral, and all of the people who would be there in tears, wishing they had been nicer to you while you were alive.  (Ah, youth!)  This is the phase in which I should have gotten that tattoo I mentioned earlier.

5.  Nostalgia

Once you’re grown up, and you’ve become a clever swine, Morrissey might lose some of his allure.  The golden god may tarnish a bit and you might forget about him altogether.  If you forget about Morrissey, I hope you enjoy your corporate sycophantic life, because you are dead inside.  As long as you have a little affection for the Mozzer, you will continue to question reality.  When you’re listening to Morrissey and The Smiths during this phase, you will think back on all of those nights you spent crying into your cat’s fur and smile fondly.  What fools we all were in those days, ah what fun to write your suicide note in longhand while tears splashed the page!  Is it weird to feel nostalgia for crippling depression?  I am not sure.  All I can say is that back in the late 80’s, Morrissey already knew how we were going to feel about him in the future, so he wrote a song about it.

Listen below to Rubber Ring, and remember that Morrissey is in the corner of your room, holding a torch.

When you’re dancing and laughing, and finally living, hear my voice in your head and think of me kindly…do you love me like you used to?

Netflix Instant Pick vol. 5 – Sherlock and Doctor Who

Sherlock (Benedict Cumberbatch), Steven Moffat, Doctor Who (Matt Smith)

Now that TV is in the summer doldrums, it’s time to peruse the Netflix archives and find something interesting to watch. I am recommending two TV shows because both of them have been penned by the magical, mystical, Steven Moffat.

I realize that most of my friends are already watching and already obsessed with both of these shows, but on the offchance that one of you hasn’t really dipped your toe in, here’s a primer for ya.

First off, I am going to recommend Sherlock because there are only three 90 minute episodes.  It’s such a breeze to watch them all, and once you do, you will be frothing at the mouth for  the next episode.  Sadly, they are only just now filming season 2, and it won’t air until next year.  (This is because the actors who play Sherlock and Watson are in some little movie called The Hobbit by some unknown director named Peter Jackson, or something.)

Sherlock is a modern take on the century-old beloved detective.  It’s funny how Dr. Watson can still be a veteran of the war in  Afghanistan, though, isn’t it?  Some things never change.  Because this is a modern update, there is plenty of technology such as smart phones, the internet and even blogging.  Yes, Dr. Watson is a blogger who writes about the cases he works on with Sherlock.  To the purist, this sounds terrible, but trust me, it works.

I’ll freely admit that before I started watching this show, I had never read any of the Sherlock stories or novels.  I am quickly getting caught up now, because after watching the series, I had an insatiable hunger for more stories.

Here’s a taste:

It doesn’t hurt that the actors are supremely tasty eye candy. Benedict Cumberbatch (yes, that is his real name, thankyouverymuch) has been described as having the voice of a “jaguar hiding inside of a cello”. He’s a tall, lanky and almost awkward slice of crumpet. And then we have Martin Freeman, the ever-cuddly, wide-eyed, sweater-clad teddy bear. Put them together and it’s like putting chocolate in my peanut butter . (Yes, I compare men to food. Shut up.)

Once you’ve had a taste of Steven Moffat’s amazing world, you will undoubtedly want to sample some more.  Lucky for you, he also works on the legendary Doctor Who series.  He took over the show last year, but had written a few episodes in previous seasons.  Honestly, it would be best if you watched all of the new episodes from the reboot, but I know how hard it is to find the time.  I will give you a list of all the episodes that Steven has written.  (They’re all the scariest ones anyway…and he wrote all my favorites.)

Doctor Who has been on BBC television for over four decades.  I know that it sounds daunting to even begin watching a show.  It seems like you’ll never catch up to what is happening.  Well, that’s just not true.  Here is all you need to know…the Doctor is a Time Lord who has been alive for over 900 years, and he travels through time and space in a little blue box called the TARDIS, that’s bigger on the inside.  Sometimes he travels alone, but he often has Companions that travel with him, and they’re usually from Earth.  The Doctor doesn’t die, he regenerates himself into a new body (right now he’s the Eleventh Doctor).

See how easy that was?

And now here is a little sneak peek to whet your appetite:

Again, I implore you to add Doctor Who to your Netlix queue and watch ALL OF THE EPISODES.  Since most people are lazy, I will provide a list of Steven Moffat episodes.  If you watch all of these, then you’ll know enough to follow along.  As I said before, he wrote my favorite episodes anyway…

Season One – The Empty Child/The Doctor Dances – This is a two parter that introduced me to a world of nightmares.  I saw someone wearing a gas mask at a comic convention and I got THE CHILLS.  You will understand why after you watch it.  Also, you’ll never want to hear, “Are you my mummy?” again.

Season Two – The Girl in the Fireplace – The Doctor has a torrid love affair with a French courtesan of the King Louis XIV. (Or is it XV? I forget.)  In true Moffat fashion, there is all sorts of messing around with the timeline.  He’s really good at that.

Season Three – Blink – SCARIEST EPISODE OF DOCTOR WHO EVER.  If you blink, you die.  I don’t want to spoil it further for those of you who haven’t seen it.  Just watch it!  Watch it NOW!!  Oh, and this episode introduces the phrase “a big ball of timey-wimey-wibbly-wobbly stuff” which really sums up Moffat’s viewpoint of time travel.  

Season Four – Silence in the Library/Forest of the Dead – Another two-parter that is notable for introducing River Song, arguably one of the greatest female characters in sci-fi history.  I am going to warn you right now that when you first meet her in this episode, you’re most likely going to detest her and wish you never saw her again.  Then you’ll see her again later and everything falls into place, and you’ll want to see her every week.  Alex Kingston, who plays River Song, is a goddess, and once again I beg the universe to allow her to be my BFF.

Once you’ve watched these episodes, you should watch the entirety of Season 5.  I’m sad to say that Season 6 is not yet available on Netflix.  Also, Season 6 is not quite over.  You can get the shows that aired so far this year by downloading them from iTunes (or other nefarious sites).  New episodes start airing this fall, so you have all summer to get this done!

Now don’t complain to me that you have nothing to watch.  Even if you’ve seen these before, you know you want to watch them again.  I know I do…

Mullets I have loved vol 4 – Paul King

Damn you, videos that disable embedding!  I shake my fist at you!

Most Americans have forgotten (or even worse, never heard of) Paul King.  For a brief moment in time during 1985, he really was the King.  The video for Love and Pride was on heavy rotation on MTV (oh wow, I have really missed the phrase “heavy rotation”).

Looking back, it seems ridiculous doesn’t it?  The cropped pants, the spray painted Doc Martens, the mullet.  Not just a mullet – a mullet with a PONYTAIL.  What an atrocity!  What a fashion crime!  What fun!

I actually love the album Steps in Time.  It’s one of my favorite albums from the 80’s, and I still have it on vinyl.  Of course, I also have it on mp3 so that I can instantly enjoy it whenever I like.  If you like 80’s new wave pop, then you will also enjoy this album.  It’s just some good old blue-eyed soul with an 80’s twist.  Give it a listen at the above link where you can sample the songs.

Most people dismiss this band as a one-hit-wonder, but as usual I disagree.  My favorite song of theirs is Won’t You Hold My Hand Now.  I taped the video off of my TV set back in the day and spent hours memorizing his silly miming.  I would link the video here but it’s rather embarrassing to watch now. (Even the breakdancing children in Love and Pride are less embarrassing to watch.)  You can find it on You Tube if you are curious.

King recorded one more album, which I will admit that I have never listened to.  Then Paul King went off to be a solo act, and failed miserably.  He was a VJ on MTV Europe in the 90’s, and now is a producer at VH1 UK.  I saw a recent picture of him and he is practically bald.  OH THE HUMANITY!  I refuse to link a picture of him as he is now.

Let’s remember him in his glory, shall we?  Oh, heavy sigh, I heart Paul King.

My completely uninformed Oscar Picks

Tomorrow is the Oscars, and I am looking forward to watching.  I watch every year even though I probably only go to the movies 5 times a year.  That might change now that I live in Austin, because the Alamo Drafthouse is only the greatest movie theater in the history of the world.

Still, this past year I didn’t see too many movies.  Of the movies nominated for Best Picture, I have only seen The King’s Speech, and Inception. I think the average person hasn’t seen every single movie that was nominated, yet they watch the Oscars and root for their favorites anyway.

That’s why  I don’t feel too badly about making my Oscar picks, even though I am woefully uninformed and have no real knowledge of filmmaking.  After all, people root for teams in the Super Bowl without having ever played football, right?  This is the Super Bowl of acting!  GO TEAM!

This year, I am Team Colin Firth.  I love him and think that anyone who says they don’t love him is lying.  So there!

At least I’m not as emotionally invested as I  was in 2004, when Return of the King was nominated.  I remember that they won a ton of awards, and every time they did, I was crying and screaming and jumping up and down.  God, what a mental case.

And now, without further ado, here are my picks for the big Oscar categories this year, and my unfounded reasons for choosing them:

Best Picture: The King’s Speech

Why I picked it:  Because I love anything with Brits, and especially Royals, and even more especially Colin Firth.  Geoffrey Rush was also quite droll.  I also really love period dramas.  I would watch this movie again and again.

Best Actor: Colin Firth

Why I picked him:  He was Mr. Darcy.  I mean, he wasn’t just Mr. Darcy in P&P, he was Mr. Darcy in Bridget Jones’ Diary.  No one can resist Mr. Darcy.

Best Actress: Annette Benning

Why I picked her: She’s likely to give a funny speech, plus they always show Warren Beatty looking all pussy-whipped in his old age. I didn’t see the movie she is in but I liked her in other movies, so she probably deserves it. Plus, for some reason Natalie Portman just annoys me with her smug “I went to Harvard and now a ballet dancer knocked me up with his twinkletoes sperm”. Don’t you love my logic?

Best Director: David Fincher for The Social Network

Why I picked him: Well, I just have a feeling this movie will win. I love me some Aaron Sorkin, but I hate the idea of making a Facebook movie. Zuckerburg is a giant douche and I really have no interest in seeing a movie about him. This movie will probably win a ton of awards and knock out Team Colin Firth and piss me off. I was super pissed when Trent Reznor won Best Soundtrack at the Golden Globes. JOHNNY MARR AND INCEPTION FOREVER. HDU TRENT! I know that all of my friends were jizzing in their pants over Trent winning and wearing a tux, but I was seething. I just wanted to put this rant in here so that you guys know that whenever Social Network wins anything, I will be stewing in my own juices. I’m also really fucking pissed off that Christopher Nolan was snubbed. Inception was the most original, innovative and talked-about movie of 2010, and it isn’t going to win SHIT.

If you’re interested in seeing me rant in real-time, you can follow my twitter on Sunday night because I’ll be livetweeting the Oscars. Follow me at @mekkalekkah

What I’m Reading – Vol. 1 – The Anglo Files

Yes, what a big surprise, I am reading a book about England!  I have been an Anglophile for almost my entire life, but I have never actually been overseas.  This is due to a lack of funds, a hatred of long flights, and fear of flying over the water for hours.  I am not sure I’ll ever go, so I thought I’d grab this book and live vicariously.

The author is an American journalist who married an Englishman.  Yeah, she is pretty much living my dream.  I have a friend who is having a long-distance relationship with a Brit, and I have to admit I’m supremely jealous of her.

I’ve always thought that British men were classy, genteel, and sensitive.  I’m about halfway through this book and the author has made them out to be rude, boorish alcoholics who wear ladies’ knickers under their suits.  (Although I personally enjoy boys who are in touch with their feminine side.)

The reviews on amazon.com are all berating the author for being too critical of England and Brits in general.  However, as someone who gets misunderstood all the time, I don’t think she is trying to be mean.  I think she is trying to be funny but it’s just taken the wrong way.  I’ve found many reasons to laugh while reading the book.  So everyone just needs to lighten up!  It’s good to have the rose-colored glasses taken off so you can see what everything really looks like.

I haven’t finished the book yet, but I would recommend it to anyone who has secretly fantasized about marrying a British rock star/poet/lord/knight/whatever.  If you’re actually from England, maybe you shouldn’t read it.  It might make you angry.