Songs I awkwardly slow-danced to in the 80’s

It's a Dorothy Hamill haircut, right?

I had an extremely awkward phase from approximately the age of 9 through…*checks watch*…yeah, it’s still happening. If you watch 30 Rock, then you can pretty much imagine me at 9 years old to be exactly like Liz Lemon in this clip that won’t embed. We even had the same haircut (a Pete Rose, but everyone thought it was a Dorothy Hamill.) Another thing I have in common with Liz Lemon – I was a D&D Dungeon Master.

I looked like this until I was 16.

Knowing this about me, you may wonder how anyone actually asked me to slow dance. My very first boyfriend (he wasn’t my boyfriend) was a guy who asked me to dance at a party so that his girlfriend would be jealous, because they were arguing. I thought he was my boyfriend for a week because he called me on the phone once. Then, years later, my actual REAL first boyfriend would leave me for a guy.

Oh, and my Senior Prom date?  Yeah, he came out of the closet two years later. (I was a total fruit fly.)

Since everyone I know loves listicles, I will now list out the songs that I awkwardly slow-danced to with boys who were either dating other girls, or dreaming about other boys:

1. Heaven – Bryan Adams (with D., the boy trying to make his girlfriend S. jealous. It totally worked…)

2. Waiting for a Girl Like You – Foreigner (with my church crush, S. I think I asked him to dance. We ended up having SUPREMELY AWKWARD makeout session at a high school reunion party 6 years later. Everyone knew we had messed around because I had my Cure tee shirt on inside out.)

3. Saving All My Love for You – Whitney Houston (with a boy who had a crush on ME…he was kind of a dweeb so I didn’t like him back. I’m sure he’s a multi-millionaire living in Bel Air now.)

4. Superheroes – Rocky Horror Picture Show soundtrack – (with my first boyfriend, R. He was Riff Raff and I was Magenta in some poorly done stage show. He left me for Frank N Furter. Can you blame him?)

5. Mad About You – Belinda Carlisle (with the aforementioned Prom date who turned out to be gay. I made out with him drunkenly in a hotel room at a party after the dance. I should have realized it then.)

I have retired from slow-dancing. I think it will make the world a better place.

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6 thoughts on “Songs I awkwardly slow-danced to in the 80’s

  1. thethousandbookproject Post author

    slow dancing is for losers. let’s all dance like Eleven!

    also I DON’T KNOW, HOW’S YOUR MOM’S PILL ADDICTION

    Reply
  2. Mary

    I danced to Take That’s “Back for Good” at a high school dance with a guy that ended up murdering his mother and step-dad. I also slow danced with a guy that got killed weeks later when he fell out of the back of a pickup truck.
    Needless to say, I will NEVER slow dance again. LOL

    Reply

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