My completely uninformed Oscar Picks

Tomorrow is the Oscars, and I am looking forward to watching.  I watch every year even though I probably only go to the movies 5 times a year.  That might change now that I live in Austin, because the Alamo Drafthouse is only the greatest movie theater in the history of the world.

Still, this past year I didn’t see too many movies.  Of the movies nominated for Best Picture, I have only seen The King’s Speech, and Inception. I think the average person hasn’t seen every single movie that was nominated, yet they watch the Oscars and root for their favorites anyway.

That’s why  I don’t feel too badly about making my Oscar picks, even though I am woefully uninformed and have no real knowledge of filmmaking.  After all, people root for teams in the Super Bowl without having ever played football, right?  This is the Super Bowl of acting!  GO TEAM!

This year, I am Team Colin Firth.  I love him and think that anyone who says they don’t love him is lying.  So there!

At least I’m not as emotionally invested as I  was in 2004, when Return of the King was nominated.  I remember that they won a ton of awards, and every time they did, I was crying and screaming and jumping up and down.  God, what a mental case.

And now, without further ado, here are my picks for the big Oscar categories this year, and my unfounded reasons for choosing them:

Best Picture: The King’s Speech

Why I picked it:  Because I love anything with Brits, and especially Royals, and even more especially Colin Firth.  Geoffrey Rush was also quite droll.  I also really love period dramas.  I would watch this movie again and again.

Best Actor: Colin Firth

Why I picked him:  He was Mr. Darcy.  I mean, he wasn’t just Mr. Darcy in P&P, he was Mr. Darcy in Bridget Jones’ Diary.  No one can resist Mr. Darcy.

Best Actress: Annette Benning

Why I picked her: She’s likely to give a funny speech, plus they always show Warren Beatty looking all pussy-whipped in his old age. I didn’t see the movie she is in but I liked her in other movies, so she probably deserves it. Plus, for some reason Natalie Portman just annoys me with her smug “I went to Harvard and now a ballet dancer knocked me up with his twinkletoes sperm”. Don’t you love my logic?

Best Director: David Fincher for The Social Network

Why I picked him: Well, I just have a feeling this movie will win. I love me some Aaron Sorkin, but I hate the idea of making a Facebook movie. Zuckerburg is a giant douche and I really have no interest in seeing a movie about him. This movie will probably win a ton of awards and knock out Team Colin Firth and piss me off. I was super pissed when Trent Reznor won Best Soundtrack at the Golden Globes. JOHNNY MARR AND INCEPTION FOREVER. HDU TRENT! I know that all of my friends were jizzing in their pants over Trent winning and wearing a tux, but I was seething. I just wanted to put this rant in here so that you guys know that whenever Social Network wins anything, I will be stewing in my own juices. I’m also really fucking pissed off that Christopher Nolan was snubbed. Inception was the most original, innovative and talked-about movie of 2010, and it isn’t going to win SHIT.

If you’re interested in seeing me rant in real-time, you can follow my twitter on Sunday night because I’ll be livetweeting the Oscars. Follow me at @mekkalekkah


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